Meshugge for my Mashiach

Waking up...

"Although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you King over Israel... Why did you not obey the Lord?... Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams..." 1 Samuel 15: 17...

I'm stubborn.
I'm putting up a fight,
fighting against the only One
I know can give me what I need,
because it's what He wants for me.

So He puts me where He wants me,
and I am amazed, I am in awe...
but time passes, the newness
wears off, and my memory fades,
until I no longer remember
He is the one that put me here.
I get used to the position.
I begin to imagine myself
indispensable. I look down,
down my nose, as if to say
Look at me
Look at what I have done
It creeps in slowly,
like a shadow on a wall,
until, one day, I wake up
and it hits me –
I have become important
in my own eyes.

And then the emptiness comes,
so suddenly...
It scares me.
Am I an arara tree?
Great to look at on the outside,
but hollow on the inside?

I want to run back
to the days when
it was more than enough
to know that He loved me,
that He chose me for His Name's sake.

Instead, in my stubborn heart,
I fight, for no good reason

My only comfort is that
He is more stubborn
than I could ever imagine.

With the rock of His justice,
He will break me open,
and with the waters of his mercy,
He will fill me up...
Again.

posted by Handmaiden @ 5:45 pm