Meshugge for my Mashiach

Standing before the throne

Today is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement as prescribed by God in the Tanakh. It is probably the most sacred of Jewish Holy Days. It is a day of repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation, the day on which the high priest traditionally would have gone into the Most Holy Place to offer the blood of the ram and goat for atonement of his sins and the sins of the people over the last year. It is illegal in Israel to drive on this day. Jews partake in a 25 hour fast from sundown of the night before to sundown of Yom Kippur.

As messianic believers, we also fasted today, using it as a time to draw near to God and repent of the ways we have gone astray over the past year, including vows we made to God that we knew we could not keep.
It is also a time to think of those we may have wronged and ask for forgiveness.

Abba has been so faithful to me. With all the changes in my life recently, I cannot be in a more sheltered hiding place. I don't know what tomorrow brings.. I can't even think of what the next step will be. Part of me feels my time here in the US is coming to an end... and I'm trying to get ready for what that means.. but I have no ideas, no thought as to what should come next. It's like being in the most calm water, where the waves are so still and the wind so absent that your boat is just not moving... at all...

I can't complain... its' been a time of rest for me.. it's like I've finally been able to catch up to myself.. to actually sit and see where Abba has brought me, how He has molded and shaped me over the past three years. It has been such a time of reflection that some days I feel guilty because I have not "done" a thing!!

My family wants me out of this "dead time" as quickly as possible. My mum doesn't want me to "suffer" anymore. My brother does not want me to go to Israel. Neither do my parents... It's understandable... I have to make peace with them, Abba... I have to at least try. I love them deeply. I love Abba for giving them to me. And it is the hope of my heart that I will not have to choose between them and Abba... for what a choice that would be!

And Abba? I must talk about my Abba. His is the sunrise that wakes me up in the morning... His are the clouds that carry me on wings like eagles as they float past... His are the rustle of leaves as a gentle fall breeze makes its way into the niches of trees. I am enamored by the beauty He speaks to my heart, by the tenderness of His voice in the midst of my confusion. Like a shy girl hugging the walls of the gym, I am in breathtaking awe to look up and find Him standing before me, hands held out... beckoning me to dance with Him.

I live to see His face, to hear the sighs of His heart.

To stand before His throne, robed in pure white...

blameless and unashamed.

posted by Handmaiden @ 7:10 pm