Through Daddy's Eyes
Today is my father's birthday. As I was writing him an e-mail, I began to think about the subtle and unspoken ways in which his personality affects my view of people. I have realized that many of the qualities I value and hold dear in guys especially are qualities that I have grown up seeing in this man.
My dad is sort of a mystery to me, I must confess. He has travelled and lived in places I haven't even dreamt of going, teaching vet medicine, showing governments how to set up their animal vaccination programs, and working with the International Atomic Energy Agency's (IAEA) Animal Sciences division as an "expert" scientist to help develop safe nuclear vaccinations for animals.
I grew up in what you might call the Nigerian version of a surburb, yet we had a farm stretching out behind our bungalow. There, under the hot sun, me and my siblings and whichever relative happened to be living with us at the time tilled the land into rows, hand planted corn and beans, peppers, yams. When the corn was almost knee high we were out there pulling weeds that were growing and taking the nutrition from the corn. When it was grown over our heads and ripe, in addition to playing hide and seek, we were out there picking corn, shucking corn, roasting corn.
Throughout this time, my dad was a professor of vet medicine, and when his academic day was over, his farm day began. We also had a chicken house and goats. I remember him as a carpenter, making a long couch we had in our living room for years, cutting tree stumps to fashion a rugged parlor outside under the shade of a tree for hot summer afternoons. He designed the house we are now building back home, and has changed and added so many things that I don't even know what it looks like anymore. His hands are never idle, yet, with a leisurely gait and unassuming manner, he never seems rushed, or haggard, or panicked.
I have never seen anyone as comfortable with so many different and unrelated areas of expertise. I grew up reading the novels he read, including John Grisham, a former lawyer-turned-writer. He helped me with math, discussed history, told stories of our people. His friends call him "Chief", and if there ever was an issue in the community, they came knocking at his door, to hear what he had to say.
He cooks, and enjoys it. He buys me clothes that not only fit, but that I actually like. He has an impressive eye for elegant jewelry, and knows who are the best perfume makers. Once, when he was in Egypt, he had my mom's name inscribed on a pendant... in hieroglyphics.
Despite all this, my dad is a simple man. If he walked past you on a normal day, except for his vibrant eyes and ready smile, you could not perceive the depth of his experience, of his knowledge, and especially, of his wisdom. He is passionate when speaking about the things that matter most to him. When he laughs, he laughs with a mirth that is contagious, and refreshing. And to me, that simplicity adds an intangible quality that is at once puzzling and very attractive.
Is my dad perfect? Far from it. But his generous spirit, his curious wisdom, his determination to provide for his family, and his laid back, easy going, simple trust have created such pleasing goggles for me to look through, both to try and emulate, and to look for in any man that would lay claim to my heart.
And it is that generous intimacy, that puzzling simplicity, in light of his vast array of unquenchable wisdom, unfathomable might, and glorious majesty, that draws my heart closer to Abba's bosom when, in his mercy, he turns his countenance, his likeness, his face, towards me.
Overflow
My soul finds rest in G-d alone,
my peace depends on him,
In that place of quiet rest,
He fills me from within...
He pours on me His holy oil
Spirit of the Living G-d
And he takes me by the hand
And comforts me with His love...
Those who wait upon the L-rd,
His strength He gives to them,
He gives them wings like the eagle,
that they might soar with Him
He weaves His strength into their lives,
The Spirit of Adonai...
And He gives them all of His peace
To guard their hearts and their minds...
So come my soul, now take your rest
Find your peace in Him,
The Holy presence of the L-rd
that fills you from within...
Oh pour on me your holy oil,
Spirit of the Living G-d
Fill my cup, L-rd I lift it up,
until I overflow...
Oh pour on me your holy oil,
Spirit of the Living G-d
Fill my cup, L-rd I lift it up
until I overflow.
From The Watchman, by Paul Wilbur
Single and Aware... an Ode
I am single, and I am aware.
I am aware that I am single.
I ask you,
Does my awareness
make me single
Or is it my singleness
that keeps me aware?
And if I am singly aware
of my singleness
does that awareness then
of its own,
keep me single?
And by default,
does that unyielding
singleness make me
even more aware
of how aware I am
that I am single?
I am single,
and I am aware
that, within reason,
I may have
singlehandedly
made singleness
and all the awareness
that goes along with it
something to be
a-weary of.
Happy Single-Awareness Day.
Musing
Mourning into dancing
Sorrow into joy
You’re turning me back to you again
And it’s so sweet...
“Like the sweet drippings of the honeycomb
Taste and see that the Lord is good.”
You let the prodigals run home,
and satisfy us with your love
till all of you is more than enough
for every thirst and every need
Beauty for ashes...
I am ruined,
for my eyes have seen your glory
your presence has passed before me
and left me trembling and cold
Who am I, and what is my family
that you, Elohim, take notice of me?
As the deer pants for water,
so my soul longs for you...
One thing I ask, this is what I seek–
that you, in your mercy,
would turn your countenance toward me,
that I may gaze upon your beauty
till I see myself in the apple of your eye,
till you see your heart in mine.
I will not die but live
and proclaim, with my very being,
what Adonai has done.
Barukh HaShem
Waking up...
"Although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you King over Israel... Why did you not obey the Lord?... Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams..." 1 Samuel 15: 17...
I'm stubborn.
I'm putting up a fight,
fighting against the only One
I know can give me what I need,
because it's what He wants for me.
So He puts me where He wants me,
and I am amazed, I am in awe...
but time passes, the newness
wears off, and my memory fades,
until I no longer remember
He is the one that put me here.
I get used to the position.
I begin to imagine myself
indispensable. I look down,
down my nose, as if to say
Look at me
Look at what I have done
It creeps in slowly,
like a shadow on a wall,
until, one day, I wake up
and it hits me –
I have become important
in my own eyes.
And then the emptiness comes,
so suddenly...
It scares me.
Am I an arara tree?
Great to look at on the outside,
but hollow on the inside?
I want to run back
to the days when
it was more than enough
to know that He loved me,
that He chose me for His Name's sake.
Instead, in my stubborn heart,
I fight, for no good reason
My only comfort is that
He is more stubborn
than I could ever imagine.
With the rock of His justice,
He will break me open,
and with the waters of his mercy,
He will fill me up...
Again.
Stuck on You
When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you...
I would walk 500 miles
and I would walk 500 more
just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
to fall down at your door...
From The Proclaimers...
